The Imperial March

You might think my job weirdness ended once I started wearing more clothes at work. But you would be wrong. While there is a whole host of crazy naked tales yet to come in this blog, I’m now going to drag you into the DeLorean. Destination 2005 corporate bitch, and still things get pretty weird.

Call Me Maybe

Following in the footsteps on 90% of the North East UK population, I began working in a call centre and quickly charmed my way into a learning and development role before side stepping into team leadership. If at this point you are thinking ‘that doesn’t sound so weird’ then I just assume you have never worked in a call centre. I was responsible to around 40 people and culture demanded I manage these poor souls to within an inch of their sanity. Every second of every day was meticulous planned out to achieve service levels, and this level of micro management seemed to produce behaviours more bizarre than I have seen in any strip club.

The Early Days

I had to send round an official communications no less than 5 times requesting the gentleman in the building stop wiping the contents of their nose all over the toilet walls. I conducted an investigation into a poo that was found on the floor of the ladies toilets (not in a cubicle, just right there next to the sinks). I intercepted emails between 2 team members describing in explicit detail what they wanted to do to each other in the disabled loo, and then had to keep a straight face as I read it all out line by line in their disciplinary hearing. I lost 2 full weeks to investigating a love triangle that would rival Jeremy Kyles finest. I have had around 7 conversations around personal hygiene issues that needed to be addressed, and I managed a team that confessed humming The Imperial March as I walked by every morning (not going to lie, I kind of liked that bit).

On a more positive note, I was able to combine (secret) stripper persuasion and influencing skills with acceptable leadership practice to help lots of truly awesome individuals develop and move forward in their own careers. It’s comforting to know that the weirdness don’t end when you keep you clothes on.

What’s the oddest thing that has happened to you at work? If you have enjoyed my posts so far head back for my next blog post to find out why everyone needs a little personal branding advice, and maybe more importantly … why the hell I think I’m qualified to advise anyone!

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